


our memories blanket us

by bennybentacles



Series: bad things happen bingo [13]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Flashbacks, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Hurt No Comfort, Mentioned Ben Hargreeves, Mentioned David "Dave" Katz, Past Child Abuse, Vietnam War, buckle up buckaroos bc this is rough, honestly klaus is not having a good time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26577451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bennybentacles/pseuds/bennybentacles
Summary: his memories flashed before his eyes, all of them hurting him once more//prompt filled: on a leash
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Series: bad things happen bingo [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913851
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	our memories blanket us

**Author's Note:**

> please please please read the tags and proceed with cation <3

  
_stopstopstop **stopstopstop**_ , he pleaded as his hands made their way to his ears, shielding himself to the outside noise but never the war playing in his head. again and again and again the sound of the helicopter overhead played its haunting tune on his head, making him want to duck and dig a hole through the ground, to hide and take cover because he knows the bombs would surely come next and these pesky explosive would go off and activate the minefields and they would die too

_pleaseplease **pleaseplease**_ , he pleaded , voice shaking and broken as his shaking hands gripped his ears tighter, his eyes closed as the war waged inside his head, trapping him in the endless nightmare as his mind played back horrible memories of the war long forgotten to anybody but him. way too much action, fights bloody and brutal and full of deceit. one of their brother in arm was a spy for Vietcong and they all had to watch as their commanding officer killed the spy, someone who sold Vietcong informations to kill them.

_ohgodohgod **ohgod**_ , he whimpered out as he curled on himself as another mine went out in his head. his hands were gripped tight over his ears., over his gun, over his pants that he slipped on in haste after he just landed in the middle of an attack. his hands continued shaking as they marched away from their first mission, from their stakeout behind the enemy lines, from where he stood ten feet away from Jones who stepped on a mine and was blown off to bits, pieces of him splattering on his face.

_letmegohomeletmegohome **letmegohome**_ , he begged, voice soft and shaking as memories assaulted his confused brain. it was his third week at Vietnam and he was frustrated with the briefcase that brought him in. it was two months with him gazing lovingly at Dave, who was also looking at him subtly. it was seven months and he was pulling Mortis behind him, one of his hands left from miles behind after it got blown off by the mines.

_don'tdon'tdon't **don'tdon't**_ , he mouthed as a horrible nightmare played behind his closed lids. it was him pointing his gun at a boy, he must just be fourteen and he shoots because that boy would kill him otherwise. the boy's ghost followed him, screaming bloody murder, pleading for mercy that he didn't receive when he was alive, sobbing out his mother's name, begging for her to save him and he could only take a swig on the alcohol in front of him to hopefully block him out, alongside his own entourage of Vietnamese soldiers

_nonono **nonono**_ , he chanted as he flinched away from another bomb going off his head. his last fight played in his mind once more and he can only scream in terror as he saw again and again and again and again how Dave died beside him while he did nothing. he screamed and he sobbed and he begged for his love to come back, placed his hands hopelessly on his lover's chest to stop the blood from flowing despite the fact thats it's too late, so late and he couldn't save his sunshine anymore.

_shitshit **shitshit**_ , hia hands pressed against his ears tighter as the helicopter came closer. tears went past his closed eyes as memories continued tormenting him. it was night time and Smith and him were sharing weed on ther cot. it was an afternoon and he was popping pills behind their jeep while Anderson spotted for him. it was morning with him laughing alongside Collins as they marched towards their destination, boots muddy and damp. it was suddenly a fight with him crying over his lover's body. bullets whizzing past his head

  
_helphelp **helphelp**_ , he sobbed out as he begged for somebody, anybody to help him. help them, help all the damned souls, just make their sufferings end. he asked for help, screamed at the top of his abused lungs as he saw once more how Smith got shot in the head again and again and again and heard how the thud echoed throughout their barracks when his body fell over and they can only grip their guns numbly because the enemies attacked their base and Smith's own blood was staining the floors. memories flashed before his eyes and he remembers snippets about their stunt on Saigon, a R&R they said but it was an stakeout mission and he remembers how he had to pull a trigger on kids who the war has toughen out too young. 

_ican'tican't **ican'tican't**_ , he mumbled, hands shaking as he pressed it deeper into his ears as more and more memories flooded his tired mind. he remembers the war and its good memories. he remembers the nights when he and Dave would sneak out and sit under the stars and hold hands and trade forbidden kisses, not caring if they could literally die because what they had was considered wrong in the sixties. they could only touch briefly, hidden behind the shadows, stolen moments underneath the sheets and behind the closed doors of dingy motel rooms . he remembers how Dave trembled and sobbed out as he said how wrong and dirty he was too even look at a man and feel the way that he felt and he remembered how he scrambled to comfort his sunshine, because Dave is a lot of things but neither wrong nor dirty were one of them. 

_makeitstopmakeitstop **makeitstop**_ , he begged, voice cracking as he scratched over his ears, just wanting to end his suffering, make the memories go away, leave him alone, let him rest. he wants to feel numb again, numb like how he felt back in the war when drugs was easier to get than clean water. he remembers marching in autopilot as they went back on their camp with their fallen soldiers carried in their arms and blood drying in their hands. he remembers the static noises that surrounded him as he saw how soldiers fell from the bullets that came from his gun, all of them slumping forward. he remembers how he can only do nothing but gasp as a shrapnel pierced his thigh when he was at the frontline while Dave was stuck back on patrol and he can only do nothing but pass out from the shock. 

_ihatethisihatethis **ihatethis**_ , he admitted as his hands left his ears to grip on the dogtags on his chest. not his because Dave insisted they exchange dogtags, because they both knew they may not make it to the end. they both sobbed as they sat in front of each other on a bed in another motel room far from anybody, their lips still swollen from the kiss they shared. he remembers how he shakily put on Dave's dogtags, vision blurred with unshed tears. he remembers Dave praying for his safety. he remembers how Dave made him swear not to do anything stupid in case he dies, and he lied and promised he wouldn't. he knew Dave didn't believe him, and he hoped Dave did not die with his heart full of fear of what he would do.

_pleasenohelpplease **stopican'tplease**_ , he gasped out as he opened his eyes, hands suddenly scrambling to grip on the edge of the tub. tears leaked from his eyes as he forced air into his burning lungs, hands trembling as he gripped his dogtags and he choked out sobs. then the screaming started, all loud and shrill and he fought the urge to get down back into the water that muffled the noise, made him forget of his other tormentor, made him stop thinking about his other trauma that's weighed him down all of his life

he choked in his tears as he gazed down on the water that became his safe haven amd he shook from the memories that tormented him. his hands trembled as it made its way into his arms, scratching out his own skin as if to peel off the bad memories clinging into him, his back slowly leaning towards the edge of the tub. 

_i want it all to stop_ , he whispered to the overly crowded room, his eyes looking at his brother who was sitting on the sink. _i want to feel numb again_ , he admitted and he watched how Ben looked at him in understanding. he knew that Ben knew how hard it is to be him, to live a life wearing a mask to hide how he really feels. he knew that out of all his siblings, Ben understands his need to shield his siblings from his deepest, darkest secrets. 

_i want it to stop hurting_ , he muttered out, voice cracking before he placed his bloodied hands back into his ears and sank to the freezing water once more. memories from his childhood then flashed on his eyes.

after all he is nothing but a vessel for all the misery and tragedy he had experienced, all of them playing inside his head, not even letting him rest. he can do nothing but feel the pain once more as the memories that tied him down, continued to torture him in the worst ways possible, by playing memories all over again, making him remember of the things he suffered and the things he could've had. 

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i cheated, kind of. i didnt take the prompt literally but hey, i think i still did the prompt justice. 
> 
> title is from Skylines And Turnstiles by My Chemical Romance 
> 
> yell at me on tumblr @bennybentacles


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